About the author: Anything that can’t be understood about Aubrey Lavender by simply looking at his name isn’t worth knowing. Proverbs of the day: London is a cold place, but only if you’re too embarrassed to wear mittens. You can produce a beat, but you can’t beat produce. Violence against fruits and vegetables has been illegal in the UK since the corn laws were passed in 1815. Now a word from our sponsor: Plagued by doubts? Humming and hawing? When you come a see, do you comme ça? Apply to the fence sitters international club today! Please direct any further inquiries to your vision board, dream chest or any reputable fairy godparent.